


If You Bring Him Home, Please Use The Spare Bedroom

by carry_on_my_wayward_butt



Category: Glee
Genre: 4x4, Klaine, M/M, also mild warning for self-hatred a bit?, cheating also, help me its 2am, like there's a spoiler for 4x4 but i changed all the details, ngl i cried writing this, non-canon, spoilers? kinda, the breakup episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-14
Updated: 2015-11-14
Packaged: 2018-05-01 13:49:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5208185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carry_on_my_wayward_butt/pseuds/carry_on_my_wayward_butt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alternate ending to 4x4 (The Breakup). Klaine-focused and probably a bit of a spoiler warning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If You Bring Him Home, Please Use The Spare Bedroom

**Author's Note:**

> An alternate version of how 4x4 could've ended. I say alternate, I mean basically my interpretation with a bit of changed dialogue. I focused on the scene where Kurt and Blaine are in bed together as no dialogue was included, so it was easier for me to make shit up. Title taken from Pink Lemonade by The Wombats.

"Please," Kurt whispers. "Please, Blaine, you have to tell me you're joking, okay? You have to tell me this isn't real." He knows. When he looks at the guilt in Blaine's eyes and the ashamed slump of his posture, Kurt knows this isn't a joke. Blaine cheated on him. Blaine was with somebody else.

"I'm sorry, Kurt," Blaine tries, reaching weakly out to the man he no longer has any hope will continue to be his boyfriend. "I—it didn't mean anything. I love you, you know that, just, listen, please—"

" _No_." Kurt flinches so badly away from Blaine's outstretched hand that he kind of strains his muscles a little bit. "Don't touch me. Just— _please_ , don't touch me."

Kurt turns and walks, as fast as he can through the New York pedestrian traffic like he can leave Blaine behind, like Blaine isn't going to be sharing his goddamn bed. There are tears on Kurt's cheeks, cold and salty and he can't remember how or when they got there. He barely registers the sounds of his own faint sobbing over the city noises, and even in the almost-dark he can see Blaine's shadow awhile behind him. That just makes it hurt more.

He's walking beside Rachel, who's abandoned Finn or vice versa, since it seems both of them are having issues. Knowing Rach, she probably was the cause of the problem, but you never know. Kurt scoffs softly at himself, because who is he to blame Rachel when he's always figured if anyone were to permanently fuck up his and Blaine's relationship it'd be himself?

The walk back home isn't long. Kurt doesn't know whether or not he's thankful for that. He brushes his teeth and moisturises with the bathroom door locked, because the last thing he needs right now is Blaine coming and trying to explain himself. He can't handle that. It'll break him, and he can't have that.

When Kurt is sad, his thoughts often involuntarily turn to self-hatred, which is easy to divert in situations where he knows the issue isn't his fault. Not so easy here. From the moment he stepped into the bathroom, Kurt's entire internal monologue has been nothing but soft whispers of 'you're repulsive, that's why he did it,'s and 'did you really think he'd settle for you when he could get someone better?'s and he hates it.

He's crying as he rubs the final cream into his cheeks and that won't do, the tear tracks are messing up the moisturiser. And so he sits and redoes the entire process and adds an extra half hour to his Successful Blaine Aversion timetable. And he tells himself the tear tracks really did wreck the cream, because to admit that he's considering setting up camp for the night in the bathroom just to avoid Blaine would be hell.

Kurt does have to get out, eventually. Blaine is lying on the previously untouched side of the bed, face up, eyes open and brows furrowed like he's confused. Kurt wants to scream at him, to ask him what there is to be confused about when obviously he likes this hookup guy so much he was willing to sacrifice a several-year-long relationship for it. Screaming has never been Kurt's strong suit.

He crawls into the other side of the bed, which is cold and empty and this is really not at all how Kurt imagined Blaine's stay here would be. Before he knows it he's crying yet again (which that douchebag a.k.a. himself who keeps undermining him in his head laughs at), and his sobs are little more than whiny gasps for air. Gasps for Blaine. Chasing after something broken.

"Kurt, I'm—"

"Don't." Kurt has never heard his own voice sound so fierce, which is unusual since he's currently wailing and bawling his eyes out. "Don't try to fix it, don't act like it's okay or like it's ever going to be okay again, because it's not." He won't turn, won't meet Blaine's eyes. "I don't want to talk to you now or again. I don't—" and then Kurt glances over in a moment of weakness, and that glimpse of Blaine's face, peaceful as if he's accepting a death sentence, is what shatters him.

Kurt tries to continue, keep up the facade that he's anything better than broken. "I don't w-want you to come b-back here, not again. I don't," and he breaks off into loud, ugly weeping. Red cheeks and scrunchy eyes as he thinks about all the firsts he had with Blaine. First (real, consensual) kiss, first (real, homosexual) date, first time in bed, prom, everything. And Kurt runs over the list of firsts in his head while his body is rioting; shaking violently and letting tears loose like it wants the room to flood; and Kurt knows this is a first, too. The first time he's really letting go. After all of the little fights and the stupid misunderstandings, there is this.

Kurt remembers how Finn said he felt when he found that Quinn's then-unborn baby was Puck's. He remembers how he brushed it aside as irritating straight boy going over-the-top. And now Kurt knows Finn was never exaggerating about any of it; not when he described the moments of feeling like you're drowning, of wanting your body to just give out so you don't have to deal any more. It's all real and very present and Kurt's tears have stopped but he's sobbing dry now.

Blaine is just watching because he sure as hell knows if he tries to touch Kurt he's getting himself in more trouble.

"I understand why you don't want me," Kurt says finally, after the scratchy, dry wails have stopped. And, oh, shit, Blaine had forgotten how hard Kurt was on himself when he was sad, how the hints of depression he's had for years come back and taint him. Blaine tries to interrupt to no avail.

"I know–I know I'm not good, Blaine," Kurt whispers, all the fight and anger gone. "I'm stupid and arrogant and too thin and I'm not good for you, so I understand. I understand why you did it and I would have done it too, had I been you. But, please," he moans, face contorted in pain and pure sadness. "Please, I wish you would have told me. You wouldn't have had to go behind my back then. You wouldn't be unhappy with me," he says. Blaine is silent. Kurt's wrong, of course, no one could ever come close to chalking up to him. It had been a lonely night and Blaine was drinking and his regret the next morning was off the charts, as it should have been.

"Kurt, we can fix this, okay? I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Kurt, believe me, okay?" Blaine's trying so hard to escape what he knows. He knows Kurt is gone now, slipped away back into the self-conscious sad little boy he was just before he met Blaine.

"We can't," Kurt whispers finally. "You know we can't." They are silent. Quiet for a long, long time until amid tiny whimpering noises Blaine hadn't recognised to be crying, Kurt sits up with dark, hollow eyes and says to Blaine, "When you leave me, when you go back home, please don't come back."


End file.
